what my heart feeds on

I'm sorry.

Sometimes words cannot take us through the borders of the heart. We ourselves need the courage to find the right words and make the right move. Do not rely on instincts, it cannot bring us through the works of the heart. Do not rely on people. They will never be there long enough. Do not only rely on yourself, you're never good enough for your own expectations. Learn how to absorb, and then apply to life. Don't expect life to ever be easy. We all know the game master is us and we only have a chance to drop a bomb on this life we hold.


Dear K.

I know you've done a lot for the both of us but that doesn't mean that it's always sufficient to only rely on a person's effort. Both of us know that no matter how much we try, we'll always have our conflicts. Be it me starting it or you starting it. Although somehow it's always me starting it, and that sometimes you know I don't mean it. But my tongue will never spare you. The cutter tongue I have will always stab into you. Being tolerant to it will not bring us happiness. What we can derive from this is a relationship built on fear and regret. And as we've talked about this. Life is too short for regrets. We have to live our days with glory and pride. Not suffering because of a wrong feeling.

I should go.

We all need some alcohol sometimes.

Alcohol is good for health. It soothes your soul and bends your body back to the way it was. It heals your heart and leaves you with an excuse to be marginally wrong. It pushes your limits and gives you another new pulse within your body so that you'll know something within you is alive again. It does wonders when you know that your heart is aching and longing.

This saturday it's doing the good life with booze and good friends and thankfully this time it wasn't in a room. We all know the room breeds sinful happenings. When there's a bed, there comes many possibilities.

Part of the night have been completely erased. I'm not so sure myself if that is a good thing because I think I might have done some stuffs to embarress myself or to hurt people during that period but if I really did embaress myself. I'm thankful to know that for this week or so, no one is going to remind me of them. Else I'll need to stuff my head into my asshole and pretend to not hear the muffled laughters.

What I'll need to do after this week of alcohol abuse and is to bun up my hair and get back to my work. Shape up my ass and be a good daughter. Not like I am not already but not so much misbehaving when I'm out.

And just to my three babies out there, even though I know you prolly don't even know about the existence about this blog but I'm thankful that you three took care of me so well the whole time I was drunk. If you didn't I would be housed in a guy's room by now, or maybe overseas if they decided to sell me away. I hope you three know I do love you. But please, do not let me drink so much next time. I'll bring a rope and maybe some tape so that you guys can tape up my mouth and tie me to the nearest pole. No more kissing/touching.

I'm gonna live life as it is.

You roll with the times.

Hello Guys! Happy New Year. I know this isn't exactly the real date for New Year but let's make do with it since I really cannot be arsed to blog this few days.

Tomorrow I might be starting work at the kindergarden my auntie works in. I hope all goes well and I won't have to murder any spoilt bratzxz when they try to cry their way out stuffs. I don't really like kids who cries too much for their own good. Then again, I used to be one of those kids.

Anyway, I also think I've rubbed off some of Ching's sensitivity to little girls. During the Laos trip, there was this little fuckgirl that kept annoying me and I think she saw me mouthing bitch whenever she was in the way. Haha. That little fucker deserves this name because she was hovering around me for the 20 minutes that I was using FB and hotmail. Because she has no manners and tries to cut in whenever I am taking a picture. Because she complains too much for her own good. Because she...just is a cheebye.

I don't know how I'm going to handle all the kids tomorrow. I don't like to play mother to so many kids. I'll slap any of them if they try to climb over my head. To add it on, I have to wear jeans and a shirt tomorrow. Not that I have anything against all these outfits but.....Singapore is really too humid for such a wear! Being a shu nu is really not easy...

Anyway, my neurotism has also kicked in and I'm sure many of my peers are feeling the effect of it. Be forewarned, anybody who repeats their statement twice when I did not ask for it will get a very kaobeizxz reply from me. Anybody who ignores me will be heavily slapped with my sarcasm. Anybody who tries to even raise their voice at me will one get one reply from me. And that is to FUCK OFF. I really pity all my wonderful friends for being friends with such a fucker like me. Haha yea right as if I do care.

This New Year, there's not going to be any resolutions because as I've said before, resolutions are resoluted to the strong and there's nothing strong in me. Besides, most of the resolutions I make are either useless, senseless or both. So I see no point in continuing such stupid resolutions. The only thing I want to promise myself is to....stop breaking so many hearts by being nicer to people.