I'm not a weird diesease

What are problems? It's this word that caught hold of me so suddenly, I fell backwards. Problems are always self-created, I realised.

After analysing so long. I am clueless of what to say about this problem. Don't give shit excuses "I have to learn how to be dependant" I can't do it, so don't you be able to. It was never a case of being dependant. I have no idea if it was something that's so common, you could practically find it in every relationship/friendship. Each time we grow, we have to learn something. So that we could find sure footsteps in the dark. It wasn't that I was growing towards another person. Stop deluding yourself.

To you I reply.

We have never ceased to include you in our activities, but you withdraw yourself from us. You initiated the fact you wanted to be on your own. Do you know that's heartbreaking? We never pushed you away or excluded you, but you acted on your own accord. To the extent that it bore us the silence, the growing silence we all had to live with. Because, one selfish move, one sentence or action, it leads us to a different conclusion.

We never looked down on you because we recognize that everyone is different. From mere hairstyles to ranging personalities. Be it the fact that you're tall and I'm short. So what, aren't we all humans? Perhaps the only thing that can be more prominent to set us apart was our personalities. But haven't we got along fine all this while? Not to say different is a crime, else we wouldn't have got that far. I hate emphasizing so much on this, I dread loathe want to fuck it. I want to throw this piece of information in your face so you'll come to terms with it. Whatever you are, I love you and that's that fullstop. I want to hug you on the bed again, want to do so much. But that's all going to come right after exams. One day what if you changed to be those high-end girls, non-smoking, classy lady. Cai Yin Hui by name, but I am just looking into a mask.

It was that easy to say. Can't click means can't click. That easy, that vague, that irresponsible, that suicidal, that MOMENT. But did you mean it when it came out of your mouth? Or was it that you had no other sentences to your stand? I tried to pick up whatever's left, to be the one cognizant to your current needs. But you brushed me aside like a dust on your shoulder. You know how bad it was? To be trying yet being taken lightly of. I wanted to know what I could do to fix the problem, yet your replies were so unconvincing, I just pretended to be nonchalant so it won't hurt like potassium was reacting with cold water in my heart.

Whatever it is, I'll leave you to see. This wasn't a problem initially till you started shun me like the uncle from the canteen. If you feel you can't lose me yet, tell me what's been going so wrong. It will be easier to continue from that last chapter. I'm not assuring it will be facile, but at least 10years down, I won't feel compunction for effort I've put in, faith I've injected in. Else I'll conjure excuses to mix the broken hole in my heart, mend that space in the circle of friends that you moved off from.

Last but not least, friends forever.