I love you, I truly do

Dearest, I wasn't trying to be a real fuck. We were enjoying the day, but I felt I couldn't self destroy so I decided to open my mouth and let those words out from captive. How they roared and bite, seemingly impossible to stop. If I had known what those words could inflict, believe me, the path I would have chosen to take will be nothing similar to the one we are stepping on right now.

I chose to be frank, because I thought you would understand. Not that you didn't, but things turned out way uglier than I expected. In the going that I thought you would be stronger that I portrayed, I forgot that Im actually important in your life too.

I'm apologetic to have said I'm gonna protect myself against you. I didn't mean it in the armour-ish and steel swords way. I just needed to get used to the new you before I pick up from where I left off. Not just in terms of new hairstyle, but your character and such. Don't ask me to elaborate and talk, I don't even think I am capable of doing so.

Sometimes I wished I didn't open my mouth to big and I could use elephant glue to seal it up. Then maybe whatever golden words I drop from my mouth and cause people to be upset and perturbed about it. Looking at the mess I've caused now, I'm extremely worried that I might lose my best breast friend. For if I really did, I shall be living in excruciating pain and I will be scratching my black mass of hair every now and then just in order to think, where and how did I go wrong. I don't want to live in regret, cause I will need to wallow in self-pity, and furthermore, I can never find someone that I love so much and someone so close to my heart. Somebody that never fails to cheer me up and somebody that I feel so at ease with, so much so that I can fart in front of and try to pluck my armpit hairs.

I think somebody should just slap me and wake me up from such a horrid nightmare. I constantly suffer from it and I think I might become unsound one day.

I forgot to tell you, I still want to spend your 15th birthday with you and I still love you as much as I used to.

ps, we have much more memories than this.